View Full Version : Chav Nativity

02-12-2005, 09:30
There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?) She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref. One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?' Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!' So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra weez gonna get on the social an' that.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that. But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that. Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their 'eads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End. Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer. He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey' Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.'
So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.


02-12-2005, 10:09
Respect :lol:

02-12-2005, 11:23
Thats like propa wikkid cool innit!

02-12-2005, 11:26

02-12-2005, 11:58
That's more Ali G than Chav.

04-12-2005, 09:55
It is Christmas Eve and this chap is on a rooftop about to jump off.

His wife is leaving him for another man, he has lost his job and he owes
thousands of pounds to the bank.
Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready to jump, Father
Christmas taps him on the shoulder.

"Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas.

The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump. "Stop!"
shouts Father Christmas. "It is Christmas, I will grant you three wishes to
solve your problems on the understanding that you will grant me a small
favour in return!"

"Would you?" the man replies."That would be wonderful !! ... Thank you,
thank you!" Father Christmas promises him that:

1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her sexiest
underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return, she will
have no recollection of her new boyfriend.

2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue with your
work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody will have any
recollection of your sacking.

3. You shall go to your bank and you will be ten thousand pounds in credit,
you will have no outstanding bills.

"Oh thank you, thank you!" says the man. "What is it that I can do for you?"

Father Christmas asks the man to drop his pants and bend over. After a quite
brutal Rogering, which made his eyes water, Father Christmas asks the man
how old he is.

"36" replies the man.

"Ho, Ho, Ho, You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas aren't

.....Chuckled the fat gay bloke in fancy dress.

04-12-2005, 20:17