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Scouse Monkey
19-10-2005, 13:05
1. "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t."

2. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce."

3. "How about never? Is never good for you?"

4. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public."

5. "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it
my way."

6. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

7. "I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."

8. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."

9. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're
saying."

10. "Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."

11. "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid."

12. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."

13. "I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn."

14. "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."

15. "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."

16. "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique
point of view."

17. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
artist."

18. "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental."

19. "What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?"

20. "I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."

21. "It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off."

22. "Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely
ceremonial."

23. "And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?"

24. "Do I look like a people person?"

25. "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."

26. "I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left."

27. "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."

28. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"

29. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."

30. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."

31. "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."

32. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."

33. "Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"

34. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses."

35. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"

36. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."

37. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?"

38. "I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary."

39. "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"

40. "Oh I get it... like humour... but different!"

davemark
19-10-2005, 13:23
lol some good ones there and some actually have been used in my place of work .. how ever we all get on and are joking around all the time anyway

Dave

2Fast
19-10-2005, 13:40
Brilliant :lol:

ccsnet
19-10-2005, 14:32
29 and 36 are ideal PM statments with 39 Closely following up as just plain cool.

Has any one got the Office Dares list ?

Terran

2Fast
19-10-2005, 14:36
Has any one got the Office Dares list ?
No but iv'e got the work tips from employees to thier managers pinned up :)

Spaghetti
19-10-2005, 20:27
I think for most people, a simple "f*ck yourself" would suffice....

ccsnet
19-10-2005, 20:30
I think for most people, a simple "f*ck yourself" would suffice....No style though...

Terran

Scouse Monkey
19-10-2005, 20:36
yeah and is more likely to get you sacked!

AJ
20-10-2005, 01:16
Been sacked is great! you get to take the company down before you leave! :twisted:

ccsnet
20-10-2005, 22:46
You guys ever played Buzzword Bingo ? Well fun.

Terran

AJ
20-10-2005, 23:47
Cant say i have? care to explain

ccsnet
21-10-2005, 11:01
Cant say i have? care to explainhttp://isd.usc.edu/~karl/Bingo/ & http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=Buzz+Word+Bingo&meta= - Most fun.

Terran

ccsnet
21-10-2005, 11:02
Got this in a forwarded e-mail, and thought it was funny enough to share (though I can only assume about everyone has seen it already):

UK Version
ONE POINT DARES

- Run one lap around the office at top speed.
- Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time).
- Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
- Call someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
- To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears.
- When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
- Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
- Walk sideways to the photocopier.
- While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
- Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
- Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
- Dont use any punctuation


THREE POINT DARES

- Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
- Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it.”
- Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
- Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
- Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
- Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.


FIVE POINT DARES

- At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
- Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
- For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob.”
- Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two.”
- After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in “the report's on your desk, mon.” Keep this up for one hour.
- While an officemate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
- In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
- At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
- Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
- Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now.”
- Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it.”
- Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
- Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
- Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
- Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
- Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
- During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
- In the subject field for all your e-mails, write " FOR SEXUAL FAVORS.”
- Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.



US Version
ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINT DARES
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee, and then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9) In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna trade?"
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you... How to keep a healthy level of insanity:
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) Put your wastebasket on your desk and label it "IN".
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
7) Dont use any punctuation
8) Use, too...much; punctuation!
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....

19) Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.

Terran

Mad Ad
22-10-2005, 22:37
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: